Cerebral Palsy, Abuse, and Fighting Back (Win Charles)

[Dana] (00:05)
Welcome to Phoenix in Flame. I’m Dana and this is my podcast on pushing through and transforming even when you feel like a pile of ash. We have an amazing guest with us today. Her name is Wyn Charles. Now Wyn was born with cerebral palsy. She has defied the odds by becoming an author. Her memoir, I, Wynn is an amazing story of how she remembers her life through the years of having CP and as a competitor in the Kona Ironman Triathlon, CEO of her own jewelry design company and motivational speaker, Wynn Charles truly is an inspiration to many. Wynn, welcome to Phoenix in Flame.

[Win] (00:50)
Well, thank you for having me, Diane. And yeah, my story is a little bit more complex than the redundant bio. That bio only gives a brief synopsis of my story. And I need to correct one thing. I was a self-taught digital artist and that’s where the jewelry designing comes in. But I gave that up in 2010 for writing books and motivational speaking. So, oh, by the way, I forgot. I have cerebral palsy. Cerebral palsy is… a Lactobacillus injury at birth. At birth. So my birth was in 1987. I was born at 1 pound 13 ounces 27 weeks. Supposed to be born in September, born in June. You guys figured that out. And so 27 weeks, 1 pound 13 ounces, born at a local small town hospital in Aspen, Colorado. Whereupon, they didn’t know what to do with me. And whereupon, they had to band-a-back me out to Denver, Colorado. And in the midst of all this craziness, my mom got pneumonia from having me, from having a C-section and having me. So, imagine mom is separated from her daughter. Her daughter is me, four hours away, at the local children’s hospital. And I’m putting local in air culture because you are listeners on, I can’t see it. So, local children’s hospital, they saved my life. This is Denver Children’s Hospital, not Phoenix, Arizona hospital, by the way. And so they saved my life. I was stuck in the generation of the 60s, 70s and 80s, whereupon they told the 60s, 70s and 80s parents, stick these kids in the homes, they will never be able to function. Well, my mom said, no way, no how, and because my mommy had eight miscarriages before she had me, eight. So I’m a medical baby more than one. She took me for who I was and she loved me for me despite my medical challenges. And so, and the story, if you don’t think that’s…

[Win] (04:19)
a complex story in itself enough. The story gets even better. I fast forward to 2010. I get emotionally abused by my mom’s sister. As my mom was dying from three, what we believe is three brain aneurysms, they caught one. So those of you who you that don’t know what a brain aneurysm is. It’s a blood vessel in the brain that bursts. My mommy had it. They lay dormant. So go get yourself tested. I even asked to go get myself tested one of these days. And so go get yourself tested. We did not know she had a brain aneurysm. All of a sudden she…

[Win] (05:16)
gets light sensitive, can’t remember how to do things, and wants to slow up and can’t barely move, and then decides to flip herself over the time that was the first time she went to the hospital because doctors are not trained to spot plane areas and must They gave her a bag of IV fluids. They sent her home. Well, something wrong with the worst decision they could have made. And so then her sister, my abuser, shows up. Her sister abused me. My godmother abused me. Her sister shows up, thinks she’s helping me, and I’m not kidding, Diane. When her sister comes into my house, and she is in my house for longer than two seconds and she discovers her sister, my mommy, has had her eyes rolling in the back of her head, which is not good, and then she decides to take her sister back to my local hospital, which is in Aspen, Colorado. The next phone call I get is, when will Mendo Vecchi Mom out? And yeah. And so that was the end of my mommy. And my mommy spent, I went down to Colorado to see her and my mommy spent a solid month in that hospital. By the end of the month, she was in the medical aid.

[Win] (07:15)
coma because they didn’t catch the three grand neons we believe that she actually had. And it was a mentally induced coma. And as my mom was dying, the day we went to see a, see, um, say goodbye to goodbyes, or maybe it was a weekend before, I can’t remember. Her sister left me, literally, crying in the bathtub because she just emotionally abused me. And then by calling me spoiled, so I had to eat a salad party and the white trash. Don’t know where the white trash came from. And so my dad said to my abuser, my mom’s sister, Mary Ann, go away. I don’t want anything to do with you. Nor do I want wind to do anything to do with you. So they go out of my life for 10 years. Well, by the time I told my dad what happened, spoiled white trash, he slips out even more because this is a one and only daughter and because his wife had just passed away and he’s struggling managing my house and managing me and managing my aids. trying to keep a job of what you landed up closing this company and staying home with me. So I was like, okay, we’ve got that. So then I lose my dad in 2019 to undiagnosed lung cancer, which then my dad decided to the blame.

[Dana] (09:02)
Wow.

[Win] (09:12)
So that’s why I almost called him Blank-Answer because that’s the end it was. Six days after he got diagnosed, that’s a long story in itself. Me taking care of him, me being disabled, me taking care of him with health while my stepmom goes to work. My stepmom was living with us at the time. He was, he could barely walk to the bathroom. So I learned that I’m… taking him for nine days and with help, with my aid and body help, we ended up taking him for nine days. Again, the local hospital in Aspen sent him home. So then we decided to kick him back into the hospital. He gets transferred to a rehab center. They don’t take good care of him. And he dies of

[Win] (10:12)
Brain cancer because of metastasize. He went into cardiac arrest. They couldn’t save him. And then he, because of his lack of care that we have said that he was a mess going. He was a mess once he got to the bigger hospital in New Carolina. So then, my dad dies in May 19, 2019. So then my family decides to come out and help, try and help to take care of me. And then that’s when the story gets even better. And so I agree to having a birthday party with these people. These people email my stepmom and say, do you just want us? so much a point. Me being grief stricken and me being me about to lose my mind and knowing that my world has fallen apart, me said, I said yes because I’m like, well maybe they’ll come out and help me and come out to figure out a plan with my of my future and do all this. And so. I’m being asked to be. They come out, they have the birthday party with me, and then they have the birthday party with me. And we go back to the house and we go back to the hotels that I need to be. They come into my house the next day to interview a temporary aid. a temporary aid because my aid was going to go out of town one week in July to see her family. And so she decides, the same decides, well I need to get a temporary aid for when? And we thought, okay, that’s fine. Good on the aid for getting a temporary aid. And so the way that interview felt, my family wasn’t down and I wanted my family to come over and meet the aid and sit and just see my daily life so they would know that I was getting taken care of and so that they would know that I was getting taken care of. Well, my abuser walks into the room, Mary Ann walks into the room, hands my stepmom a bag of groceries that they had just gotten and my other abuser, my mom’s two sisters were there. So you got a picture. I have my abuser Mary Ann, I have her sister in the house. So plus I have my stepmom, plus the two aides in this house. The temporary aides. and my normal life. So my abuser Marianne hands my stepmom a bag of groceries without even saying anything. Hello, how you, how, hello, how you wasn’t even mentioned. She just hands her the bag of groceries and I’m sitting there like, oh boy, this is not going to be good. And so we continue with the… My abuser gets grumpier and grumpier by every second and I think they went back to… Now that I think about it, I think my abuser and my aunt went back to the hotel and discussed things. And so then, the meeting is over, we all depart and my aunt says, come on, when it’s time to go downstairs. And I’m like, okay, it’s time to go. Then, so you know what I just witnessed? You throw a bag of groceries at my stepmom, and you barely say hello. How are you to my stepmom? And I’m like, oh boy, this is not good. And then you get grumpier and grumpier during the temporary A &B. And the reason why I didn’t invite you guys in is… to see that I was getting taken care of to reassure nervous a little bit. And so she goes, come on, Wynne, it’s time to go downstairs. Now maybe the obedient niece follows her downstairs. The next thing I know, she closes the bedroom door. Now, for final reference for you listeners, my bedroom door is in… here at my own house stays open during the day, stays, people can come out of my bedroom, in and out all they want without my permission to grab a load of laundry, to grab anything out of my bedroom because I need help, because I have a physical disability. So my abuser closes the door and I’m like, oh boy, this is not good. And then she starts berating me with questions. How’s your whole life? I say, well, we’re all surviving. My dad just died while surviving. How’s your whole life? And then she goes on and on and on and doesn’t take a breath. And the final question was, and this is her fault, not mine, who the hell do you think is taking care of you for the past 10? 10 years. And I said, you got, you got. And if I was smart enough, I would have said my mom’s brother, because he was essentially helping my mom pay for the one-on-one aids, essentially helping my dad pay for the one-on-one aids now to help me get dressed and help me continue life I’m leading. And so she goes, and by this time she,

[Win] (17:02)
opens up the door. I have backed myself up to a sink with Mia behind me that I have since got rid of because now that Mia has bad vibes to it. I have backed myself up to the sink because I was afraid she was going to come and whack me, whack me. And so because she abuses, will be abuses, will be abuted. And so.

[Win] (17:32)
She puts me in a chair, a home and normal office chair of all things, doesn’t even let me walk to the bathroom and puts me in a chair, gives me undressed from the chair, I’m naked, and then puts me in the shower against my will. And my aide had already said, Wim had already taken a shower that day. Wim doesn’t need a miserable –

[Win] (18:02)
know what I want, not the one, because I had already taken a girl that day. I thought we would just go get… I thought I was just gonna get dressed and go straight out the door, not take a shower, not get abused by other means. And so I’m sitting there and I’m like, oh boy, this is not good. And then what happens is my… her sister, my other aunt, who’s witnessing to this also. And by the way, my other aunt… didn’t help. She kept adding fuel to the fire. My aunt who was witness to this has finally apologized to me after a year of not speaking. And so I said, we’re good. We’re somewhat good. We’re not race, but we’re in contact. But she kept adding fuel to the fire because baby sister… She’s older. My other aunt is older. My mom is 10 years apart from my abuser. So baby sister, so when baby sister yells, everyone jumps. And so my aunt kept, my other aunt kept adding fuel to the fire. She didn’t say stop. She didn’t do anything. So.

[Win] (19:41)
The next thing I know, my other aunt opens up my bathroom door, calls my step sister who’s in my kitchen. So we’re downstairs in the finished basement slash my bedroom and bathroom. My step sister is hanging out in the kitchen. She’s already gotten dressed. She’s hanging out in the kitchen. So… And my stepmom is upstairs in my master bedroom, in all master bedrooms. And so basically what happens next is my aunt calls my stepsister from the bottom of the stairs. It was open hallway. So my stepsister could hear what my aunt calling her. And my aunt says, we need a razor now. And so… My step-sister gets so freaked out that she goes, Mom, she runs upstairs to the master bedroom, Mom, Mom, telling her mom that we need a razor and telling her mom that we need a razor. Her mom doesn’t realize what’s going on and she says,

[Win] (21:10)
She must have said to Juliet, why are you so freaked out over a razor? And she goes, well, Joanne, and I guess Juliet said Joanne. And remember I was in bath, bath was naked as trying to get myself out of there because I’m the one being viewed. And so Juliet must have said, Joanne and Mary Ann need a razor for when? And so, Mallory hands Juliet the laser. Well, the next thing Juliet knows, she’s dragged down a set of stairs. She herself is dragged down a set of stairs and sees my pubic hair in the bathroom, gets dragged in the bathroom by my abuser, Mary Ann, and she gets… driving to the bathroom, sees my children there. I am so blacked out at this point. I want to get this whole thing over with. And so, and you got to remember that I was a man. I am and was a mandatory reporter. Basically, my background in early childhood education taught me how to mandatory report. And for those of you that don’t know what a mandatory… reporter is, it’s a teacher of any age kids, adults of kids. It’s a police. Social workers can do it and counselors can do it. So mandatory reporters, if they say, if they see something, especially for the young kids, they have to report it. If the young kids said,

[Win] (23:09)
mommy hit me last night and that’s completely out of the norm. You have to go to all adult protective services and get the case looked at. So the dumb and dumb didn’t realize, and I say the dumb and dumb and not with love because she’s not loving it at this point, and the dumb and dumb didn’t realize that she was not only abusing her niece but abusing her anxiety for it. Now, 86% of disabled are abused and so that’s the reason why abusers tend to abuse the disabled is because of we can’t move, we have no defenses and some of us are not smart, some of us are not capable to say, help, I’m being abused. But…

[Win] (24:09)
some of us don’t know what’s going on. So the government didn’t realize that she was abusing a small-ass woman and she was abusing mandatory reporters. And so I’m like, great, now what do I do? And I knew this was going on. And so then she lays me back on the bed and she says, by this time my aid…

[Win] (24:39)
My stepmom and Julia are starting to walk in the room because they’re now suspicious of what’s going on. I mean, my aide who’s in the next room, my bathroom wall at the time was her bedroom and she had moved in to help with all this chaos that’s been going on. And so my aide must have heard. what’s going on. Juliette was so freaked out that she had now walked downstairs to Nana to see if I was okay. Mallory had walked downstairs to see if I was okay. And then Marianne does it again. She says, let’s shave Win like a dog. Okay, and I am back on a bed, a full queen-size bed, naked, without a towel over me. So I’m totally exposed, totally, totally exposed. But then she said, so she says in the comments, malorne my aid and julian assuming this and you, oh boy. Here we go. And then the thing that kicked off adult protective services was she took a picture of my vagina with her cell phone. to prove to my uncle that I was getting last year. Now you gotta remember my age position had just changed because my dad had just died. So of course we’re all doing the best we can and that this time I wasn’t in field dependence and all that. And so I… So I had to make the decision. Do I call? And of course, Mallory, my stepmom, says instead of saying to everyone, can you get out of here? I’m calling 911. My stepmom says, it’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay. And I burst into tears knowing what just happened. So I’m in alarms. I have. Queen’s being handed to me. The aide is standing in shock because she is, this is a paycheck online. She didn’t know what to do. And Juliet’s also standing in shock because they didn’t know what to do. So I’m like, great. Do I call adult protective services and make it seem like I can explain this situation?

[Win] (27:55)
Or do I wait until I see another man in the dirty water? And so my counselor said, do you feel safe at home? I said, because she knew what my grief was. And by the way, Valerie, my stepmom, said, you need to go to counseling now. We got in a fight. about me being so able and you need to go to counseling now. So forcing someone to go to counseling is not a good idea, mind you. It’s their choice to go to counseling. It’s also their choice to go to Bend It’s anonymous. But it’s time I can know about COVID. And so the counselor unbeknownst to me calls adult production. services because I hadn’t explained what went on. And so I, I say that’s my counseling session. She calls adult pretentious services. Um, that next week I walk into my counseling session. She doesn’t say anything. We have the counseling session. When I walk out of counseling, my aid isn’t there. Now you gotta remember that my aunt can do whatever she wants. She can go to the bathroom, read a book, be on the phone, be out on a call making a phone call. So when I walk out and I’m used to, I’m used to meeting people outside, meeting buses outside now, and I’m not used to people coming and finding me or waiting for me. I’m… in Benin and Oxford and I couldn’t go find them. So I’m like, okay, maybe she went to the bathroom. Maybe she’s out in the garden making a phone call. I don’t know. And a stranger, a complete stranger to me says, are you looking for your egg? Because he sees me looking, but he doesn’t understand that I can walk out and find it. And I said, yes, I am looking. to my age and he goes, well, your age is an adult protective service. And I’m like, oh boy, because my brain starts going flick, flick, click. This is my brain. And so I walk back to my counselor’s office because by this time I’m scared to death and I knew it. I knew what the next thing was. I needed to do a witness statement actually, calling a professional interviewer. A professional interviewer. So I knew what the next thing was because witnesses and me being a victim, I kind of knew what the next thing was. And so I walked back to my counselor’s office and said, Stephanie, would you do me a favor and… walk me over to Adult Protective Services. So that way I wouldn’t have to walk over to Adult Protective Services myself and have the discussion with Adult Protective Services and the police. But she goes, sure, I’ll walk you over to Adult Protective Services. She said, sure, so kindly, like you don’t know what’s going on. And I’m like, yes, I do.

[Win] (31:50)
So she walks me over to and from protective services. All I need to be seeing is my aid walking down the hallway, walking out of protective services, now weighing on me, sitting outside as they discuss things with me. And so I walk into it. And remember, I was supposed to go home and record two podcasts. to podcast, Adult Protective Services wasn’t supposed to be part of my day, mind you. And no, it’s not anyone’s part of anyone’s day, mind you. And so I’m like, oh great, here we go. And so they sent me down, Adult Protective Services sent me out and says, okay, we need you, you as the main

[Dana] (32:26)
No.

[Win] (32:50)
abusee here, you as main victim still get what they call a professional interview. And for those of you that don’t know, a professional interview is when a professional interviewer sits on one side of you, sits right across from you, and the cops and the DA is on the other side of the wall. And a professional interviewer makes you repeat what happened to get the evidence. They want all the evidence from the witnesses to you. So that’s what a professional interviewer. And so, of course, I set that up. I say, does Mel know that this is going on? And of course, they go, yes, we called her.

[Win] (33:50)
And I’m like, oh boy, I would have liked some bit of flying the wall for that one when she got a call on her cell phone at work. Thank you very much. She wasn’t at work. My new Seattle full-time 9 to 5 job, she sealed us to this day. And then she has clarification of what’s going on. And I remember that.

[Win] (34:20)
Adult Protective Services told my aide, don’t tell Mallory what’s going on. Because the reason why they said that, don’t tell Mallory that you gave a witness statement, don’t tell Mallory that we set something up with Whit. The reason why they say that is because they didn’t want Mallory to mess up the witness statements that I was about to give.

[Win] (34:50)
and my aim had just given. So, and of course, what does Mallory do? We get home from this. I’m about in tears again because I’ve never given a professional interview in my life. I’ve given interviews on podcasts, but never a professional interview to the set. And so, um… Mallory goes, well, what did you say to adult protective services to my aid? And my aid goes, I can’t tell you. I can’t tell you what I said to adult protective services. Turns out all the stories matched up and turns out that we all said the same thing. But Mallory, trying to be nosy, said, well, what did you say to adult protective? services and Mallory trying to be controlling said what did you say and my aunt goes I can’t tell you we left it at that that was clicking to my kitchen I mean and because Mallory was so shocked that I told a counselor what was going on and then and then my aunt had a meeting with Mallory after I got emotionally abused, after I got emotionally and physically abused. And she basically said, if you touch any of this house, I’ll come out and, or this house, I’ll come out and fix it. Which in October of 2019, we did a custody battle over me, of course, due to the judge said no way. The judge said no way.

[Dana] (36:46)
Hey, Wynn, let me ask you something. I know we’re starting to kind of wrap up in time because it’s a little after 30 minutes, but I wanted to make sure that the story that you’re telling is amazing. And I love all the detail. I’ve just been so focused on everything that you’ve been saying and your willingness to be so honest and transparent is such a breath of fresh air because I know I have listeners that…

[Win] (36:46)
and Judge said.

[Dana] (37:16)
either have been through what you’re going through or know someone, a friend or relative who are experiencing or maybe will experience what you experienced. And your willingness to just kind of take us through this play by play of what that was like for you is so helpful. I have two questions. One, I want to make sure that you feel like where you are right now, your situation, that you’re, that it’s okay, that you’re safe, that you feel cared for and protected.

[Win] (37:44)
I am. I am. Just trust me, I am. I have hence the move to Phoenix, Arizona and trust me, I am. And if anyone, including my original music, walking in this door and trying to touch me, I would call the cops immediately and do all that. I know better now. And like…

[Dana] (38:08)
Okay, so you’re safe now.

[Win] (38:14)
I’m now breaking the stigma of my family and chains and I’m actually going to co-dependence anonymous because yeah, that’s not showing itself. I thought that I was always a control freak due to CP. I didn’t know it was me and I did well, I know that. My father now had anger management issues and yeah, that’s all with the podcasting itself.

[Dana] (38:48)
Well, and I love the fact that you bring up Codependence Anonymous because we had talked earlier, you know, before we started recording the podcast about, because I’m the queen of boundaries and there’s a lot of people that end up in Codependence because they don’t feel comfortable for different reasons, setting boundaries and saying no to people. And so I’m so thankful that you, number one, got involved with them. They’re supporting you and that you’re really saying, people be aware of this group, Codependence Anonymous, that if you feel like you’re…

[Win] (38:54)
Yeah.

[Dana] (39:18)
allowing people to do things to you that you don’t want done, that you feel like you can’t say no, that you’re allowing dysfunction to happen, seek out Codependence Anonymous and find a group, or they called themselves CODA, I think. Now, Wyn, let me ask you, I know that my listeners are intrigued by your story and want to know more about you. What I have here for…

[Win] (39:31)
Yes, they do.

[Dana] (39:43)
how they can get a hold of more of what you have is ceodisability.buzzsprout.com. Is that correct?

[Win] (39:50)
Yes, that is my podcast and if they go to CEO of a disability, aceouofadisability.webelies.com, they can find more information about me and then they can also Google my name. It should pop up everywhere. And then they could also listen to my podcast. on where all podcasts are found, Google, Apple, well, it’s no longer in Google, but Apple, the smart speakers, Amazon smart speakers, Google smart speakers, so I’m everywhere.

[Dana] (40:41)
You are everywhere when I’m so glad to hear that. And I, I really appreciate you being willing to get up so early and guys, just so that, you know, I’m in the Eastern time, but when is in the Pacific time? And she got up this morning at 7 45 on a Saturday morning to do this interview. So I know you are very thankful she did that. I have told her, I’m so, so glad that she was able to do that. So thank you, Wynn, for your willingness to get up early on a Saturday morning and give your time and to be so honest and to be able to go down a story that was very painful, but you’re willing to do that to help my listeners as somebody that might be going through that or might have a friend or relative that’s going through something like that. I appreciate you so much. Thank you.

[Win] (41:23)
Thank you. And one more thing I wanted to say, while we still have the recording on, is if you see something suspicious with a family member or with a family member who’s specially abused, who’s about to be abused, dig deep, dig deep, because it happens all the time. in assisted living homes. Thank you very much. And I’m not in one, but I know it happens all the time. And so if they say, your mom is doing fine and she’s not looking so hot and they haven’t given her a shower, dig deep. Unless she refuses a shower, dig deep as to why. they haven’t given it a shower because you see that on the news all the time nursing home abuse happens all the time and it’s not cool. So I want and the other thing I want you to say is it could be anyone that could abuse anyone. It could be the AIDS. It could be the neighborhood atmosphere. It could be. The family members, nine times out of ten, it is the aides, but smart aides don’t abuse. And most of the time, these companies background checks and everything else. And so make sure you get your aides background checked. Make sure if anything goes wrong, you have people there to support you.

[Dana] (43:19)
Thank you. That’s such wonderful and appropriate and real and needed advice. Thank you, Wynn, so much. I appreciate that. So, my listeners, I know that you have heard things today from Wynn that you are amazed and thinking, wow, what a story and how real a story. And unfortunately, this happens more often than we would like to think about. It absolutely does. It’s real. It happens every day to everyone. around us that we don’t even think about. So take this podcast episode and put it on your favorite social media platforms. Copy and paste the link and text and email however you want to get it out there so that we can reach out. We can get Wynn’s story out there to people that need to hear it so we can grow our Phoenix and Flame community so that we’re together and we know that we’re not alone. We are together and we support each other. I hope the rest of your day goes great. I’m Dana on Phoenix and Flame.