We’ve made it through Valentine’s Day.
I’ve talked with many people who don’t enjoy it, not because they dislike love, but because of the expectations it creates. The pressure to be partnered. The unspoken rules about how relationships should look. The way connection can start to feel like performance.
Relationships, whether you are dating, newly partnered, or married, often bring our insecurities to the surface. They also leave plenty of room for miscommunication. Because of that, I often share an analogy with clients that helps bring things back into balance.
Imagine a large warehouse with a long metal ladder lying flat on the ground.
You are standing at one end. Your partner or potential partner is standing at the other. Each rung represents a form of communication or effort. A conversation. A text. Time together. A gesture of care.
The idea is simple. You move a few rungs toward the other person, then pause and notice whether they move toward you as well.
Problems tend to arise when the movement becomes uneven.
If you move far down the ladder while the other person stays put, you become overly exposed and the relationship stops feeling mutual. On the other hand, if someone rushes toward you while you have not moved, they may be overinvested or carrying expectations you have not agreed to.
Healthy relationships are not built by racing toward one another or standing completely still. They are built through awareness, pacing, and shared movement.
The ladder is not about keeping score. It is about paying attention.
